Letters
by Amanur
Summary: Haruka and Mamoru exchange letters.


**Note: I do not own any character described here!**

**There will probably be some grammar mistakes, so don't hate me for it, please, instead be helpful and tell me what is wrong, besides, like I said on my profile, English is not my original language, I just like it and want to practice it! ;) **

**Letters**

When I first saw you in my visions I had no idea of what was about to come.

When those bunch of strange guys came into my house and took me... I was desperate. I was a child and I knew it. I knew that there was nothing for me to do.

They took away my home, my family, my life, my freedom, my future. They took all I had on that time. Until I found you there. Walking on the street by yourself among so many strangers, you also had no idea of what was about to come.

I am conscious that I made you life change as well when I came to you. I simply got in your life with no previous warning. Without an invitation. But it was inevitable. That was how it had to be. I know...I saw it. I dreamt it.

I still remember... at the begging how awkward the silence was between us... but you would always yawn when I was felling shy by your side, and fall asleep to make me feel comfortable... and then I realized I wasn't alone. I could close my eyes, and you would be there... under my eyelids.

And you never said "yes" to me.

So all these years I kept my mouth shut. I wouldn't say anything about anything until I was asked.

But you never did. Not once. And that is why I trusted you. Blindly. You were definitely the one. The only one that would save me with no hesitation.

Hey... do you regret? Do you regret saving me? Did I do wrong coming to you? Wouldn't you be better without me? Afterwards... I also took your freedom, and made your future become mine.

But I watched your steps carefully. I tried to take care of you too... did you noticed? And I tried not to be on your way. I tried to do everything on my own so I wouldn't bother you, or make you wish I wasn't there…

Nee, Mamoru... you never realized how I really feel, did you?

I was growing fast.Thanks to your lessons. The self defenses and the moral's one. I guess I grew faster then I should. But it's ok. You were there... always supporting me. And I'm actually glad for that. It made me feel special between my friends. So thank you.

But I guess things could have been better, for both of us. If you weren't this dense around me. Yeah, I confess that your way of act annoyed me tons of times... but I also wanted to be the only that had the key to open you heart. I wish I had the power to make you melt in my arms... so many times I wanted you to trust me and give me your everything, as I gave you my life to take care. To be the only one that could calm you down when you were anguished, or shake you when you were feeling blue. Because I noticed those times.

I wanted to be especial for you. But you couldn't see me. Not at all. With or without your glasses. If you knew how important is to me to know that I'm important to you... maybe you would see me, because all I did so far, was try to reach you. But I guess I'm too week for that.

You know, even when I was scolded by you… not once, I stopped loving you. But you always kept your distance from me. Kind of cold. And then surprised me with something sweet. So I don't regret being with you, ok?

And the older I'm getting, the more I become aware about my feelings towards you… I want you. I want to take your hand and be the light you can't see and guide you like a little girl… and rip off your clothes and jump all over you like a woman… it's so hard to hold myself.

And I heard some many awful things about you… people are mean... they don't understand. But I never cared about my friends gossiping... about how old you are...or your sight disability.

Once you thought me that the value of the things was not on the quantity it gets or happens, but on the impression it leaves on you... so I hope I have left a good impression about me...I try my best to be a good girl to you. Because the impression you left on me about you… is too strong to be put in words... I mean, I am who I am thanks to you. I'm alive thanks to you. And slowly you gave me all I had lost...

And you taught me so many other things... like "Live as if I were to die tomorrow", "Face as if I were to live forever"… so, I'm not going to lose, because you taught me to win, and I'm not going to die, because you taught me to live... but I know, if some day you turn your backs to me and leave... I'll cry, I'll lose, I'll suffer and die, because that was the only thing you forgot to mention to me... the existent possibility of losing you.

So I'm really sorry for being selfish on those times I tried to run away and leave you... sometimes I like to think that you need me to not be this lonely as you are.

I apologize for those times I caused you trouble... but it was it was impossible for me to avoid it. There were times that the pressure was too hard on me you know, and I couldn't take it...all I could do was try to run away. I'm sorry. It was stupid of me. But now I know I can't escape from our destiny... because you would always come after me. We were meant to be together.

Do you wanna know a secret? I'm 20 years old now... and I haven't kissed yet. I've been keeping myself for you. For the day you will see me. And give my first kiss with your very own lips... and hopefully, my last one.

I hope that happens soon.

But now that I'm an adult, I'm scare that you will leave me any time soon, saying that I don't need your protection any more.

Because I wish I could forever come to you when I'm cold, because you got heat. Or when I'm crying feeling lonely, because you got such a strong shoulder. Or even when I'm in pain… because I know you got the medicine to make it heal. Or when I have some doubts, because I know you have the answers written right on the tip of your tongue. Because when I'm scare, you're there… when I'm desperate, you are also there.

So please, don't give up on me yet.

---

You came in my life, without asking if you could or not in... and I, so lonely, let grow a hope inside me.

Hey... did you know you took a lot of energy from me? You took my time, you took my patience...and damn... you took my concentration! Because I was aware of your existence there. Always. I knew you were there... and I could sense your emotions getting unstable every time something happened. So I had to keep watching after you.

It wasn't easy. And do you know why? Because you were a girl... and I was a man. A lonely one. And I know you were lonely too. So all I wanted was to take you in my arms and never let you go. But I couldn't do that. It was forbidden. And it was getting dangerous to be near you.

I mean... I saw you grow before my eyes. I saw your body and voice changing, I also noticed you changing your way of act, of talk...of walk...Even thou I didn't saw in the away I wish I could. I was aware. I was aware of how beautiful you were becoming. And the perfumes you used, were telling me how feminine you were getting. And that made me mad so many times; I mean... I am blind, but not deaf. I could hear your male friends talking about you. And I admit that there were times I had the desire to cut off their tongues and slice it into billions of pieces and burn them... but I just had to keep telling myself that I had to act like a father and keep my distance. Let you be free to make your own choices.

So I tried to hide myself, because I felt like everything around me wanted to reveal me... the way I walk, the way I talk. My voice, my clothes, my books, my CDs, my tastes... I did everything I could so you wouldn't be aware of me… and sometimes I thought it worked, I mean... how could such a beautiful and intelligent girl like you would see some old brutal blind guy like me? But, sometimes I got the feeling that you were calling me. Screaming and searching for me. To take you. It was hard for me. I had to hold myself, to not put you against the wall and make you mine.

You know, get a punch on the face hurts. Get cut by a knife hurts. A slap on the face hurts... damn! A kick in my balls hurts even more! But you know what? Losing someone hurts a whole lot of bunch more. Because the pain gets in the soul... and it's harder to make it heal. And the scar stays forever.

And that is why I kept my distance from you... because I didn't wanted to lose you. I thought if I didn't had something, I wouldn't lose it, right? But I guess I was stupid. Hehe... crap! I was literally blind. And couldn't see that I already had you... since that day. That day we exchanged our votes. Did you notice I said "Yes" to you? I didn't exactly say the word "Yes", but... I just keep following you. I hope you got that.

But none of this matters anymore... because; you are the treasure that I can't get. And the price I agree I would pay for. You were also the freezing cold that winter brought into my place and maybe a lot more things I can't tell. But none of this matter, and never did. Because you also brought to me the smiles I couldn't see and tears I couldn't shed... So thank you for choosing me to be your savior. I'm really glad you came for me.

So when you need I'll be there for you. Because I can feel when you are lonely and desperate. You know, I do understand you... that's why I never asked you... I never had to. You were so obvious.

And I'm sorry that I couldn't give you everything you wanted. I know you never asked me for anything else… you have never complained about anything... you just accepted everything with a big smile on your face... a big sad smile I'll say. And every time that happened, it made me fall into pieces... that is just how powerful you are towards me. But I tried my best... this, I promise you...I really did.

Listen… it doesn't matter how many times you try to run away... I might not be able to see the future, but I will always find you, no matter what, no matter where have you gone to. So it's worthless to keep running. Don't do that again ok... Next time you feel like disappearing, come to me, and I'll be there to hide you inside my jacket. Every time you need. "Until death do us part", right?

And if you ever ask me "why?"... I'll say it's because I love you. So damn much. I'm sorry for being selfish and want to keep you just for myself... but that is the only thing I can't let go in this life.

I can't believe I become this dependent of you. So I'm sorry if I choke you with my worries, warnings and scolds. I'm just trying to keep safe what is mine. I never meant to harm you.

But to tell you the truth... sometimes you scare me... I don't know what you're thinking... what you are seeing... I can only imagine how terrifying it can be for you to have that ability... to predict what is going to happen to the ones you care. I know I never asked you about your visions because I didn't want to be like those guys who took your life away from you. I didn't want you to hate me, either to be compared to them. I hope you understand that.

And now that you are an adult, I'm afraid you might want leave me... saying that you don't need my protection anymore. Because I know how independent you are. You always did your things by yourself, without asking for help.

So please Haruka, allow me to keep you safe a little longer… that is all I know to do… avenge you from those who took your everything. And I promise you my life, my respect. I promise never lie to you and always, always be there for you… in exchange, I just want your beautiful shaped smile by my side giving me strength to go on.


End file.
